Sunday, October 23, 2011

Letting Go?

"Sometimes the best way to find what you’re looking for is to let go of what you already have."

U2 live from Milan, Italy... singing "I still haven't found what I'm looking for."

Over two years ago, I let go of something huge .  But as I look back over the course of my life and wonder if I made the right decision... I again listen to the lyrics of this song by U2.

Am I still running.  Running from something or running to something?

It has been a challenging time since, trying to figure out if what I am finding in this journey is what I have been looking for... for a good portion of my life. 

"Jesus, are you more real to me know?"

It has been over two years, almost three that I stopped the search within the walls of the organizational system of what I used to call "church".  I left my commitments and stopped it all together, now committing to nothing else but my family, my employment and my relationships that are found within my day to day life. 

It is Sunday morning.  I often have these moments on Sunday mornings when I relax on the couch and listen to the hum of my computer.  They sun is coming up, my hubby is still sleeping.  I wonder how many people really know I left.  I moved, but in reality, it became an opportunity to let go. 

So much of my journey was looking in one door or another for a fulfilling life.  Each door was different.  Coloured differently, designed differently, and when I opened it up, the sounds that came from within were different.  Each door I went through, I found a part of that life.  I found people.  The people were different, but that was okay.  I bonded with some and then left to find another door.  I look back and wonder at my motivation.  What was I looking for?  Was it just a new and fresh way to express my spiritual passion? 

I have no regrets.  I have found treasures in every door I went through.  Those treasures are the people that I embraced as friend and those that embraced me as friend.

What does each day hold for me now?  How do I live this life? 

Have I found what I am looking for now?  This is the journey. 

Every day my Father is giving me fresh air to breathe, new challenges to face and people to love.  And I am content.  Content to know how much I am loved.   Loved so much that I can love so much.

"Jesus, thank you for every step of this journey.  You have walked with me and continue to walk with me.  You have loved me and continue to love me.

Thank you!"

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